Why I Quit Drinking And How It Changed Everything
I was 36, sat in someone's house in Huddersfield at 3am on a Tuesday, four days into a bender I couldn't remember starting.
It was Covid. I had nothing to do, nowhere to be and no purpose. The wheels had completely fallen off.
And as I sat there, foggy and ashamed, I had one clear thought: “it's now or never Rick.”
“Get help, get clean, get sober, or fuck up your entire life completely.”
So I rang my best mate. He sorted me a lift home. Two days later, I walked into rehab. Terrified, but wanting to change.
THE LIE I TOLD MYSELF
For years, I convinced myself the drinking and sniffing was fine. I wasn't an alcoholic. I didn't drink or take drugs every day. I had a successful Personal Training business, paid my bills, and showed up for my family, and i was playing Semi-professional football.
But here's what I didn't want to admit: every weekend, I was choosing to numb out rather than be present.
Saturday nights were for "decompressing." Sunday afternoons were for "recovering." Sunday evenings were for dreading Monday, and then most Mondays I rearranged clients and stayed in bed.
I told myself I'd earned those pints. That I deserved to let loose. That this was just what blokes do.
But I knew I was kidding myself.
Because when you need something external to cope with your life, that's not enjoyment. That's escape.
And I was escaping from a life I should have been grateful for.
THE MOMENT IT HIT ME
The turning point wasn't some grand epiphany. It was sitting in that house in Huddersfield at 3am, four days deep into a bender, and realising I had a choice to make.
I could keep going. Keep numbing out. Keep telling myself "I'll sort it out next week" while the weeks turned into months and the months turned into years.
Or I could do something about it. Right now. Today.
It was now or never.
Because here's what I'd been avoiding for months: I wasn't drinking and using to enjoy life. I was doing it to escape the fact that I didn't have one.
Covid had stripped away my routine, my purpose, my structure. And without those things holding me together, I'd fallen apart.
The drinking wasn't the problem. It was the symptom.
Sat in that house at 3am, I knew: if I didn't get help now, I never would.
So I rang my best mate. Told him I needed to get out of there. He sorted me a lift home, no questions asked.
Two days later, I walked into rehab. Terrified. Ashamed. But ready.
Because I'd finally admitted the truth: I couldn't do this on my own.
WHAT I DIDN'T REALISE I WAS LOSING
Here's what nobody tells you about drinking regularly: it's not just the hangovers. It's the slow erosion of everything else.
My training suffered. I'd tell myself I'd get my session done in the morning then wake up still feeling rough and bin it off for a nap in my car instead. Again. The guilt would pile up, and I'd promise myself "next week." But next week was the same.
My energy was gone. Even on days I didn't drink, I felt flat. Tired. Like I was running on fumes. I thought it was just because i was busy. Turns out, it was the Guinness and cocaine.
My presence was non-existent. I was there in body, but my mind was somewhere else. Foggy. Distracted. Half-arsed.
And the worst part? I knew it. I just didn't want to admit it.
Because admitting it meant I'd have to do something about it.
The Decision
I didn't quit drinking because I hit rock bottom because there’s always deeper you can go, a new rock bottom. I quit because I realised I was choosing to live at well below what I could be.
I quit because I was tired of waking up foggy and ashamed, promising myself "this is the last time" and then doing it all over again the next weekend.
I quit because I was tired of feeling tired. Tired of the guilt. Tired of the cycle.
I quit because I wanted my life back.
Rehab gave me the space to break the cycle. But the real work started when I got out.
I had to rebuild everything. My routine. My purpose. My identity.
I had to learn how to cope with life without numbing out. How to sit and feel things instead of escaping them. How to show up at 100% instead of settling for less.
It wasn't easy. But it was worth it.
Because three years later, when Raffy was born, I was ready for the most important job of my life.
Not perfect. Not fixed. But present. Clear-headed. Sober.
And I could show up as the dad I wanted to be, not the one I would have been if I'd kept drinking.
If you want to know more about my story, here's the full journey.
WHAT SOBRIETY GAVE ME BACK
My training became consistent. Without the fog and the guilt, I started showing up. 2-3 times a week, every week. No excuses, no "I'll start Monday." Just momentum and consistency.
My energy came back. Within 4 weeks I felt sharper. Clearer. Like someone had turned the lights back on. I didn't realise how much drinking and sniffing was draining me until it was gone.
My patience returned. I was always napping in active addiction, most of the time over nothing. Now I’e got the bandwidth to be present, to play with my lad at anytime, to actually enjoy being a dad instead of just surviving it, which I would be if i was still at it.
My presence came back. I was there. Fully there. Not with one foot out the door, not distracted, not waiting for the day to be over so I could check out.
And here's the thing nobody tells you: being clean and sober isn't about giving things up. It's about getting everything back.
I didn't lose my social life. I didn't lose my closest mates. I didn't lose my ability to relax.
I gained clarity. Energy. Patience. Presence.
I gained my life back.
IF YOU'RE READING THIS AND QUESTIONING YOUR OWN DRINKING
I'm not here to preach. I'm not here to tell you what to do mate.
But if you're reading this and something's resonating, that's worth paying attention to.
If you're telling yourself "it's just a few pints, and a few line" but deep down you know it's stealing your energy, your patience, your presence, that's worth listening to.
If you're waking up on Saturday mornings feeling foggy and irritable, promising yourself you'll train later but never do, that's worth acknowledging.
If you're choosing to escape your life rather than be present in it, that's worth digging deeper into.
You don't have to hit rock bottom to make a change.
You just have to decide you won’t settle for less than your absolute best.
WHAT I'D SAY TO MY PAST SELF
If I could go back to that version of me, the one who thought he needed those Friday night pints to cope with life, I'd tell him this:
“You're not drinking because you enjoy it. You're drinking because you're trying to escape a life you should be grateful for.
And the irony is mate the drinking is making everything worse. It's stealing your energy, your patience, your presence. It's making you the exact man you don't want to be."
You don't need to numb out. You need to show up.
And when you do, everything changes.”
THE TRUTH ABOUT SOBRIETY
Sobriety isn't about deprivation. It's not about being boring or missing out or living like a monk.
It's about choosing to be present instead of checked out.
It's about waking up clear-headed on Saturday mornings and actually wanting to play with your kids, not banging Bluey on and zoning out.
It's about having the energy to train, the patience to be a good partner, the presence to enjoy your life.
It's about building a life you don't need to escape from.
And if you're questioning your relationship with alcohol and a few harmless lines right now, that question itself is worth listening to.
You don't have to quit forever. You don't have to make some grand declaration.
You just have to ask yourself: is this serving me, or is it stealing from me?
For me, it was stealing. And the day I stopped, I got everything back.
This Is Just One Part of the Story
Quitting drinking and sniffing lines off my iPhone was one decision. Building a system that actually worked for my life was another.
Every Friday, I share what I'm learning about training, nutrition, mindset, and dad life in The Physical Edge newsletter.
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Yours In Health
Show up, work hard and go get what you want.
Rick
